


Over There

by crazyTXgradstudent



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Adam Driver fandom, American (US) Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Military, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Army, Could have happened, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Mush, Kuwait, Marines, Maybe - Freeform, Maybe a happy ending, Soldiers, War, haven't decided yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:44:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13385205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyTXgradstudent/pseuds/crazyTXgradstudent
Summary: I just like to write. Badly.





	1. Chapter 1

It was not as hot as it usually was, and for that, I was grateful.

Grateful that I could sneak out and walk without sweating to death before I even got to the track. I took a long sip of water from my bottle, then opened the gate to the 1-mile track and made my way inside. It was early, just after 5am, and I was glad to see the dirt track was still lit up with the generator-powered lights. I wanted to be alone, but not that alone, and I was glad to see the lights as they stretched across the ground. The sun would be up soon, though, as it was already rising up over the berms. 

I set my water bottle, towel, and cell down in my usual spot on the lone bench before beginning to stretch. Across the way, I could see what looked like some Marines on the opposite side, their physical fitness attire different than what we in the Army wore. I would pay them no mind, as they usually paid me no mind. Again, I was glad to be alone but not completely alone.

I went through my quick warm-up, plopped my headphones in my ear, and off I went, racing around the track as I tried to forget my life for just a moment. The more I ran and the harder I pushed myself, the more I sweated, the less things seemed to bother me. It was about the only thing that seemed to work throughout this deployment — physically exhausting myself until I couldn’t think straight.

Tomorrow I’d do it again. And again and again, until I could leave this hellhole for good. 

Some song by _Godsmack_ had just started, and I was just coming around the track for the 3rd time, when I hit a dip, my ankle rolled out from under me, and I felt the skin of my leg being dragged across the dirt and rock on the track. 

“Son of a fucking bitch!” I yelped as I finally slid to a halt in the middle of the track. My ankle throbbed beneath me, but I was able to wiggle it, and I knew that at least it had not been broken. Truth be told, I think my knee and shin took more of a beating, the bright, red blood already dripping down my calf as my wound seeped. My hands started hurting as well from where I’d dropped on them, the palm also scraped and bloody and tingling. 

“Fucking a, man,” I groaned as I rolled over and pushed myself off the ground, attempting to stand.

“Hey! You alright?” Two thick, muscular legs stood above me, and I followed them as if I were looking up a tree. A figure stood over me, his long legs disappearing into the olive drab shorts indicating it was probably a Marine. The light was behind him, and even with squinting, I couldn’t see his face.

“I’m fine, thanks.” I dismissed him as I sat back down on my ass, giving up for the moment. 

“You don’t look fine. Need me to help you up?” The man asked again, coming around to stand in front of me. I could now see his face.

He was indeed a Marine, and a goofy-looking one at that. His legs were way too long for those ridiculous shorts; _why did they insist on wearing those anyways??_   Big feet encompassed in big boots, long legs that led up to broad shoulders. Big nose in the middle of pale, freckled skin and dark eyebrows. Big ears that peeked out from under his dark, almost-too-long-for-Marine-standard hair. He was just a big, hulking... _thing_ , standing in front of me. I waved him off again.

“Really, I’m fine, okay?” For emphasis, I shoved at the ground, pushing myself up to stand. Before I could, I felt his hands come under my forearms, lifting me, and then holding me steady as I rocked on my feet. Annoyed, I jerked my arm from his grasp.

“Sorry,” the big man shrugged as I glared up at him. “Just trying to help.”

“And I appreciate it, but I’m fine, really.”

 **“Driver!** ” A yell came from across the way, and the big man looked over that way. “Quit fucking around! It’s chow time!”

“Alright!” The Marine — _who I now knew was called Driver_ —yelled back. “Just go, I’ll be there in a few!”

The other Marines waved him off, and then it was just the two of us at the track. I hobbled over to where I had left my things, wincing as my knee screamed in disagreement. The Marine followed me.

“You’re persistent, aren’t you?” I gritted out as I dragged myself to a sitting position on the loan bench. I looked down, surveying the damage. Shit. I would have to go to sick call and get this taken care of, and I was sure it was gonna leave me a nice scar. 

"I can't leave ya out here alone," Driver replied as he knelt down next to me, taking a good look at my busted leg. "Damn. Tore it up pretty good." 

I just flattened my lips at his appraisal. 

"You in the Army?" Driver looked over at me as he pulled the lid off a water bottle.  

"Wait, what are you doing?" I shied away from him as he got closer with the damn water bottle. _I knew exactly what he was about to do..._

"Cleaning it off, duh."  He scooted closer.  "Just let me rinse it, get some of the dirt off, okay?" 

"Whatever," I gritted my teeth in preparation for the sting that would soon follow. 

"So, Army?" Driver asked again as he began pouring some water over my skin. Gosh, it fucking burned like a motherfucker!I felt tears well behind my eyelids, but I'd be damn if I cried if front of this man. 

"What gave it away? The pt belt? The Army logo on my shorts and shirt?" I hissed from between clenched teeth. 

"Well you're just a ray of sunshine, aren't ya?" Driver smirked as he continued pouring my water over my scraped up shin and knee, and I couldn't help but think he might've taken a little bit of pleasure from torturing me so. Asshole. 

"The brightest." My teeth were grinding together as the water stung my skin. 

"Well, you definitely need to go get seen by the doc." Driver replied as he put the lid back on the bottle of water. He looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine, and I noticed just how brown they were. Almost like a coffee brown, but maybe a caramel color when the light caught them.  One side of his mouth lifted up into a lopsided smile, and I felt my anger dissipating a bit. He had been nothing but helpful, and didn't deserve my ire. And he might be cute, but I couldn't figure that part out yet, whether he was or wasn't. It also didn't matter, so I pushed that out of my head and focused on my busted leg again. 

"Thank you," I mumbled quietly, dragging my eyes away from his.  I thought I heard him chuckle but couldn't be sure. 

"Don't mention it." He stood, holding out a hand for me, but I shooed him off again with a wave of my own hand.  

"Driver, right?" I looked up at him to see him nod.  "I'm good, thanks. Pretty sure I can make my way back to my room." 

"I'll feel terrible for leaving you here. At least let me walk you back to your room, and then you'll never hear from me again." He placed a hand over his heart. "Swear to god." 

"Fine," I huffed, knowing he wasn't going to leave otherwise.  He gathered up my things, shoved them in his small backpack, and I took his arm, allowing him to be a sort of crutch as I limped my way back to the room. Once at my door, I dug in my small pocket and pulled out my key, and opened my door.  I turned to Driver, and took my things from him, and then we both kinda stood there awkwardly. 

"Uh, thanks again for everything," I mumbled reluctantly. I looked up to see Driver had crossed his arms over his ridiculously wide chest, and that damn smirk was on his face again. I felt my goodwill leave just as quickly as it had arrived. 

"It's killing you, isn't it? Having to say thanks?" I could hear the grin in his voice.

"Bye, Driver." I limped inside and began shutting my door. 

"See ya around, kid," Driver called to me, just before I slammed the door on him. 


	2. Chapter 2

  
Later that afternoon, I’d finally made it into see the medics, and now I was limping back, on my way to the dining facility just in time for dinner. While I’d only torn up my knee and shin, it had ripped a good portion of skin off over my knee. I was now bandaged up, and on a profile for a week to prevent the tear from reopening, as well as to give my ankle some time to heal from the minor strain when I’d rolled it. I needed to get some food in so I could take the meds, and then get back to my room and go to sleep.

I pulled the door open, relieved to see that the facility was emptying out, with only a few tables containing some troops. I walked over to the quickest line, opting for a grilled cheese sandwich, and a bag of chips. I could scoop that up and take it back to my room at least.

“Thanks,” I nodded my head at the cook before making my way over to the coke machine. I grabbed a cup, and filled it with Sprite. No ice though, that was a luxury we didn’t get here. After that, with food in hand, I walked over to the snack aisle, and grabbed a few more things before walking to where we swiped our ID cards for payment.

“How are you this evening?” the familiar dining facility worker asked me. I forced a smile, knowing she meant well.

“I’m good, you?”

“Same ole, same ole,” she chuckled. “You’re in late tonight, aren’t you?” She bagged my things up for me in a small plastic bag, and handed it me.

“Yeah, I had a busy day,” I replied, not wanting to talk any more. She was sweet, and reminded me of my grandma back home, but I just wasn’t in the mood this evening. “You have a good evening!”

“You too! See you tomorrow!”

I limped my way back over to the exit, trying to get out without drawing any attention to myself, when the door was pulled open before I could reach it. 

“Oh excuse me,” I mumbled, head down as I tried to skirt by the group that was just now entering.

“Hey! It’s you! How are you?”

I knew that deep voice from this morning, and I looked up, annoyed to see Driver standing there with his fellow Marines. Maybe 7 or 8 of them, and all eyes were on me, and I felt myself shrink further, trying to disappear from their views as best as I could.  I absolutely hated being the center of anyone's attention, least of all a group of dudes!

“I’m great. Thanks!” I squeaked out as I pushed through the door, and out into the night. I took a deep breath, clutching my items to my chest as I began the slow trip back to my room.

“Hey! Wait up!” Driver called from behind me, and I huffed out an annoyed groan as I stopped. My ankle and knee were throbbing, screaming at me to sit down. The Marine stopped, standing before me and pretty much eclipsing the light as I looked up at him. He was impossibly big compared to me. 

“Yes?” I gritted out impatiently. 

Driver tilted his head. “How’s your leg? I see you got all taped up, huh?” He leaned down to stare at my knee, and it took everything in me to not jerk away from him. Why was he inspecting me as if I were some piece of equipment that needed to be fixed?

“Yes. Scraped it. Got meds. Now I’m going back to my room with my food. To sleep. Thanks again.” I dismissed him as I turned, and began walking again. I could hear his loud footsteps behind me, and frustrated, I stopped again.

_“What do you want?”_

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” Driver shrugged his broad shoulders. “I was wondering about you this afternoon, so I’m glad I ran into you.”

“I’m a big girl, you know. I’m fine. Have a good evening.” I turned again for what felt like the millionth time, and started walking.

Again he followed.

Again I stopped.

“Jesus, what do you want?” I glared up at him, shifting my weight onto my good leg as my ankle throbbed.

“Are you always this nice?” Driver asked, one dark brow arched as he stared down at me. I shifted uncomfortably under his dark gaze, and he reached down to take the bag from me. I was kinda relieved at the reprieve, but I’d never tell him that.

“Only to guys downrange,” I retorted quietly.

“I guess you get shit all the time, don’t you?” Driver’s voice was apologetic, and for whatever reason, it annoyed me. I didn’t want nor need his pity. Besides, he couldn’t even begin to apologize for the assholes over here. 

“Whatever. Can I have my stuff back? I have a long walk back to my room, and I’d like to get there before midnight.” I reached for my bag, but Driver held it up above my head, knowing damn good and well I couldn’t reach it. I glared up at him again.

“Really?”

“What’s your name?” Driver asked as he lowered the bag.

“Soldier.”

“For real,” Driver snorted.

“Douglass. SPC Douglass. Happy now?” I held my hand out for my bag, and surprisingly, Driver handed me the bag back.

“Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole. I just wanted to talk to you,” Driver admitted, this time almost shyly. He kicked at the dirt with his boot. his eyes darting back and forth to mine. It was the first time in our brief acquaintance that I’d seen him not in control of himself, the first time he’d looked unsure about anything. It was different.

“About what?” I enquired without thought, my curiosity peaked just a bit. There was something sweet in his shyness, something gentle behind his dark eyes, and huge, hulking presence.

“I don’t know. About whatever. About this shitty deployment. About your shitty deployment.” He looked back up at me and grinned. “About life? I don’t fucking know!”

Despite myself, I found myself grinning back at him. He was cute in his awkwardness. I shifted again, moving the bag back to my other side, and again, Driver took the bag from me.

“Let me carry this for you,” he winked as he took the bag from me. I didn’t refuse, and gladly handed him the bag this time, leaving only my drink to carry.  It was weird how that small thing, that bag, made so much difference in what I felt I was carrying. Totally weird. 

“You’re gonna miss chow, don’t you think?”

“I’m a big boy, I’ll survive. Or I’ll eat your food,” he opened my bag to look inside. “Grilled cheese, huh? Good call.”

“Touch my food and I’ll kill you, just sayin’,” I warned as we started walking back to my room.

“Damn, you’re savage!”

“You have no idea,” I giggled as we walked back. A few moments later, we arrived at my room, for the second time that day, Driver and I. I unlocked my door, and walked inside to set my drink down, before meeting Driver back in the hallway. He handed my bag over, and we kinda stood there awkwardly again.

“So I guess you won’t be at the track tomorrow, then?”

“No,” I grimaced. “On profile for a week.”  I hated being out of commission, and running was about the only thing that kept me sane here. Now I'd just go to work and do shit else. It sucked big time. 

“That blows.”

“Yeah it does.” I reached in my bag, and pulled out the grilled cheese sandwich, and tore it in half. I offered one side to Driver.  His brows furrowed as he stared at my offering, then back at me. 

“I can’t take your food.”

“Take it. You helped me carry it, and I’m sure the DFAC is closed now.” I pushed the sandwich at him.

“You think I don’t have stuff to eat in my bay?” Driver laughed, and I rolled my eyes. Of course a man of his size probably had all kinds of stuff squirreled away for when he got hungry. Which was probably all the time. 

“I bet you do. You sure you don’t want it?”

“Nah. You eat it. Get some rest.” Driver crossed his arms over his broad chest.

"Well, okay then," I mumbled quietly, unsure of what to say now. Did he just go away? Did I shut the door? What we were supposed to do now? I had not a clue.

"What's your work hours like?" Driver suddenly asked, breaking into my thoughts. 

"Typical 0800-1700, why?" 

"We can hang out some, maybe. If you want. I mean, I don't wanna pressure you, or anything like that. I was just--"

"I'd like that," I cut him off with smile.  

"Really?" Driver asked, his rapid blinks making me think he was a little shocked that I agreed. 

"Sure. Why not?" 

"Uhmm...okay. Cool." He shuffled on his feet now, still seeming off-balance. 

"They're playing a movie in the theater tomorrow at 1900. We can go if you want? I hate going by myself anyways," I offered.  

"I'll be there," Driver nodded resolutely. How was it possible to be dressed as Marine, and clearly be over the age of 12, but still look like a little boy? I did my best to hide my grin. 

"Okay, me too," I started closing my door.  "Good night, Driver." 

"Good night," he replied.  "See you tomorrow!" 

With that, I closed the door and made my way over to my bed and plopped down. I pulled out my cold grilled cheese sandwich and started eating it, wondering what the hell I'd just set myself up for....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DFAC - dining facility 
> 
> Medic - dr office 
> 
> Profile - like restricted duty due to illness 
> 
> Specialist - rank in the Army 
> 
> Also, some people are deployed and have rooms, others have large areas called bays where a bunch of people camp out with cots or actual beds. Just depends on the unit and branch.


	3. Chapter 3

The next night, I waited outside the theater, which was actually the theater, the chapel, the briefing room, the everything — all rolled into one. It wasn’t like _Hollywood Theaters_ , or _Cinemark_ , and there was only stale popcorn, and cokes with no ice. It was nothing like back home.

Still, I couldn’t hide the bit of excitement I felt over knowing that I was meeting Driver here. Last night, after he’d left, I had some weird dreams about him, and I steadfastly blamed it on the medications I was taking, and the fact that I’d been deployed for almost 9 months. It was nothing else, and certainly not Driver himself. He was some random dude I met over here, and like all the others, he’d be gone before too long. Marines never stayed here very long, I thought with annoyance as I chewed on my fingernail.

“That’s a disgusting habit, you know,” the deep voice murmured near my ear, causing me to jump. I turned, and Driver grinned back at me, completely unabashed at having scared the shit outta me.

“And so is being late!” I playfully punched his arm. “What took you so long?”

“Yeah, we had to go outside the wire today, sorry,” Driver replied as he ran a hand over his shortish hair. It really was too long to be in regs, I was sure of it, but even Marines could get away with a little downrange. He opened the door, and ushered me inside.

“Any trouble?” I asked as I followed him into the theater. We made our way to the center, but along the edge. We sat down, and I was glad that there was only a handful of people here. The less the better, and sometimes this place had a tendency to fill up much too fast for my liking. 

“Nah. The usual,” Driver remarked dismissively. I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it, so I let it be. I knew that feeling. “So what are they playing? And more importantly, did you bring snacks? Cause if not, I got a shit ton!” He gave me a sideways grin as he pulled a huge bag of _M &M's_ from his cargo pocket, as well as a bag of _Twizzlers_ , and some _Gummy Bears._

“Uhm, where did you get _M &M's_??” I reached for them, huffing when he pulled them outta my reach. Chocolate was a rare treat over here, especially with the heat. It always melted way too fast, so it was pointless to send it. 

“Calm down, crazy! There’s plenty for both of us!” He handed me the bag, and then reached in the small backpack that I just realized he was carrying, and pulled out another bag of _M &M’s_, this one peanuts.

“Jesus, Driver!”

“First, stop calling me God. Second, I wish you could see your face right now!” he laughed as he dropped the backpack in my lap. “Take what you want, I got plenty.” He sat back in his chair, sucking on a _Twizzler_ as I dug through his backpack.

Sure enough, he had plenty of snacks. _Oreos_ , more _M &M’s_, more Twizzlers and _Gummy Bears_ , a few bottles of water, and even some crackers and canned cheese spread. It was like a deployment jackpot. I kept digging, searching for the next best thing, when I accidentally pulled his clear ID-card sleeve out, and the damn contents fell out. I grabbed at them on the bottom of the backpack, trying to be discreet and shove them back in. His ID's, along with a few photos, had all come out. One was of Driver and his family, I could see that clearly. The other was of a woman, a beautiful woman, with long, dark hair and smiling eyes. Feeling my stomach drop, I hastily shoved the documents back into the plastic sleeve as best as I could.

“You done over there?” Driver remarked as he leaned over to see what I was doing.

“Yeah, I’m gonna steal some M&M’s, if that’s okay?” I grabbed the bag, and push the backpack back in his lap. He looked at me, noticing the change in my tone.

“I don’t mind, really. Take what you want.”

“I’m good, thanks.” I plastered a fake smile on my face, willing my unease to go away. This man owed me no explanations, and it’s not like we were dating. We were two military members watching a movie with a bunch of other military members. It’s not like we were on a date, right? _Right??_

The lights dimmed, and soon we were standing for the **_Star Spangled Banner,_** as was customary before a movie showing. A few moments later, we were seated again, this time in the dark.  I did my best to ignore that sad feeling that was creeping into my heart, tried to focus on the present, the here and now. 

“What movie is this again?” Driver asked as quietly as he could in his deep voice.

“Uhmm, I thought it was _Pirates of the Caribbean,_ but I don’t know anymore…” I trailed off as the trailers began playing. Usually they played kid trailers for Disney movies, didn’t they? These were all horror and drama trailers. Driver and I sat, eating and watching, before the opening credits began roll on the screen.

“Yes!” Driver whispered excitedly as we saw Kate Beckinsale’s name flash across the screen.

“ _Underworld_?” I groaned to myself. I would never sleep again! I hated werewolves, and now I had to watch this movie and go back to my creepy ass room all alone. Fucking fuck.

"Abso-fucking-lutely!” Driver whispered again, the excitement still there. Not hearing my reply, he looked over, and it was then that he caught the expression on my face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m terrified of werewolves!” I whined as I slouched down in my seat, using the bag of _M &M’s_ to block my view of the screen.

“Do you wanna leave? We don’t have to watch this.” Driver offered quietly.

“No, we can stay,” I disagreed. He was so happy to watch this, and I didn’t want to ruin it for him. “If it gets too bad, I’ll step out. I don’t wanna ruin it for you.”

“Just tell me if you don't wanna stay, I’ll go with you, okay?” Driver replied, his head dangerously close to mine as he softly whispered to me.

“Okay,” I managed to squeak out, just as the movie began.

A little over 2 hours later, and I’d made it through the whole movie. Surprisingly, if I do say so myself. It helped that the main werewolf, Lucian, was an actor that I had always had a huge crush on. I also loved Bill Nighy, even though he was an asshole and got himself killed. The werewolves did scare the shit outta me, but I continued hiding my face behind a bag of whatever I was holding at the time, and watched Driver instead.

It was during this movie, that I saw just how handsome he was. The freckles and moles that others might find distasteful, I found them endearing as they dotted his nose, cheeks, and along his neck. His ears were way too big for his head, but everything about him was big, so even they seemed to fit. His smile was big when something on the screen made him happy, his dark eyes glowing with delight as he watched the movie. As I watched him, I realized that he was attractive.

He was attractive — plain and simple. Whoever that girl was, _she was a lucky girl,_ I thought to myself. And with that thought, my mood went downhill again, and I wanted to be anywhere but with Driver. We stood up, and followed the others out of the theater, and back into the night.

“Well, you survived. How do you feel?” Driver asked with a huge grin.

“Ready for bed,” I mumbled as I took off walking. Driver, as usual, followed.

“Are you alright? Did I miss something?” He asked, a hand on my arm to slow me down. I jerked him off me, unwilling to accept his touch.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I blurted out. Driver’s eyes grew big in his face, and I realized how stupid I sounded. _What the fuck was wrong with me??_ I hastily clapped a hand over my mouth and kept walking as fast as my busted leg would let me. He stopped me again, only this time he pulled me out of the way of other people, back into the shadows of the building. I mulishly crossed my arms over my chest. 

“What are you talking about?” He stared down at me, his dark eyes blacker than ever.

“The picture in your bag. Do you have a girlfriend?” I refused to look at him as I said this. I knew how ridiculous I sounded, and I didn’t care anymore, but I didn't want to see him laughing at me. Time was too short to waste on anymore cheating joes. Or Marines. Whatever the fuck they called themselves. With a frown, Driver reached in his backpack and pulled out the plastic sleeve containing _that_ picture, and held it out to me.

“My sister. Alicia. My twin, actually.”

I took the photo from him, my hand shaking from nerves and embarrassment. His sister, his twin. Shit. I could see the resemblance now that I was forced to look at it objectively. I handed it back to him, ashamed at being so stupid.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Driver replied, his tone measured. “Anybody would have thought the same, I’m sure.” He fixed the backpack on his shoulder. I could tell by his tone that he didn’t think anybody would have thought the same, especially me...

“I just, everyone here is always trying to hook-up with someone, and, well, you know, I just thought—”

“I was trying to hook-up with you,” Driver finished for me. I could feel my cheeks heating in embarrassment.

“Yeah,” I admitted quietly. I peeked up at him, seeing the conflict on his face at my revelation. “I’m sorry, really. I shouldn’t have assumed. I know.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Driver agreed. “But I get it, I do. I know how it is here, trust me.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled again, unsure of what to say to make things better. I was such a clueless ass sometimes. I would swear that I heard an angry tint to his tone, and I couldn't blame him, but damn. 

“Wanna head back to your room? I’m kinda tired, actually,” Driver remarked as he started walking.

Fuck. He _was_ mad, and now he was trying to get rid of me; I could feel it. I’d gone and done it, stuck my foot in my mouth with my stupid assumptions, and now he was pissed at me. This time it was me who was struggling to keep up with him. He was practically marching, his back so straight, his course determined. His long legs ate up the distance faster than I could, and he was standing by my room, leaned up against the opposite wall to my door, having arrived a few minutes before I did.

“You didn’t have to come all the way here,” I huffed out, slightly outta breath at trying to keep up with him. And I was slightly annoyed at the turn of events; I couldn’t deny that. “I know your bay’s all the way on the other side.” I turned the key, opening the door to my room.

“I said I would walk you back, and I did.” Driver replied, his tone flat.

“Well you didn’t have to, and now we’re here, so now I say goodnight.” I began shutting my door, only for him to brace an arm against it. His dark eyes bore into mine in the dim light of the hallway.

“What’s your first name?”

“Why?” I asked as my heart thumped in my chest. He constantly made me feel off-guard, constantly had me guessing what was coming next. He was mad two seconds ago!

“Cause I wanna know.”

“Hayley.”

“Hayley Douglass,” Driver rolled my name off his tongue, as if he were tasting it.

“What’s yours?” I asked, daring myself despite my misgivings to engage him a little more.

“Adam,” he softly replied.

I felt myself smile a little. He looked like an Adam. Even though didn’t know what an Adam looked like — _and I honestly couldn’t recall if I have ever known an Adam_ — but he seemed to be what I thought an Adam would be…if I were to know an Adam. Cute in a weird, nerdy way. Kind and generous, a gentleman. The kinda guy that would bring you candy to a movies, and then leave the movie if his date got too scared. The kind that carried a picture of his sister and family around in a backpack. Yeah, Adam fit him well, actually.

“What’s going on in your head?” Adam asked quietly, some of his earlier ire seeming to be gone.

“Nothing you’d wanna know about,” I laughed nervously. God! If he only knew! He stepped closer, inching his way into my space as he propped his broad shoulder against my door frame.

“You’d be surprised at what I wanna know about you, Hayley,” Adam spoke, his deep voice doing weird things to me.

“Like what?” I whispered, my mouth suddenly dry. I could smell his cologne. How had I not smelled it earlier? I could see the faintest hint of a five-o-clock shadow covering his jaw, could see the even fainter hint of a mustache as it danced along his upper lip. I swallowed, the sound loud in my ears as I stared up at him.

“All kinds of things,” Adam murmured again. I watched as he leaned closer, and I knew what was coming, and somewhere deep inside, I was screaming to tell him no, to push him away, but I couldn’t, because I kinda wanted it, and it was so quiet, and I could hear us breathing, and then I closed my eyes in anticipation, licking my too-dry lips one last time, and… _and just vaguely registered the sound of the hall door being open._

_What??_

My eyes flew open, my heart pounding as Adam moved back away to a more respectable distance. We both turned, and I guiltily watched —and maybe Adam too — as the soldier came down the hall towards us.

It was none other than my squad leader who had returned from the gym, his towel over his shoulder and water bottle in hand. God, I inwardly groaned. He’d almost walked in on …whatever this thing was that was about to happen between Adam and I. _Jesus._

“Douglass,” Staff Sergeant Waters nodded at me before side-eyeing Adam. “Formation tomorrow at 0700 for vehicle inspections. Don’t be late.”

“Yes, Sergeant!” I hastily replied. I was sure my cheeks were flaming red with embarrassment that even the dark hall couldn't hide. 

“See you in the morning, then,” my boss tossed over his shoulder before disappearing into his own room a few doors down.

“Goodnight!” I called back, my voice a little too high, my smile a little too fake as the older man’s door closed, leaving Adam and I alone again.

“So that was totally awkward,” Adam rubbed the back of his head as he grinned at me.

“Yes it was,” I agreed, a nervous grin on my own lips. 

“I should probably get going. You have stuff early, I have pt.” Adam sounded like leaving was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Yeah, we both have busy days tomorrow.” I didn’t know if I wanted him to leave or not. I was so confused. Everything happened so fast, what the hell.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow then? Or, better yet,” —Adam dug in his cargo pocket and pulled out his cell phone — “Just text me when you’re free?”

“Oh yes!” I ran over to my bunk and grabbed my cell. Why hadn’t we thought of that earlier?? _Cause you hated him yesterday, remember?_ the voice in my head nagged. I ignored it as I walked back over to Adam, cell phone ready.  We quickly exchanged phone numbers, and with a last smile, Adam was off. Less than a minute later, my phone dinged, indicating I'd gotten a message.  It was Adam.

 **Thanks for the movie. I needed it** , he texted me. 

 **You're welcome,** I texted back. 

I waited and waited, but no more texts came that evening. I couldn't decide if I was mad or glad. Adam was something else, something I didn't need in my very ordered life.  I didn't need to be watching scary movies with him, or texting him, or - _God forbid!!_ \- almost kissing him in the hallway! I was losing my mind, clearly.  

And it had to stop. The incident with the photo made me realize that it was moving much too fast for my liking, and I was responsible for stopping it.  Tomorrow, I promised myself. Tomorrow I would talk to Adam, and explain my concerns, and we would go from there.  Being friends was one thing, but something more? Well _that was not_ something I needed nor wanted at the moment. I had a career to think about, a future, all that. No time for some deployment boyfriend. 

And so, mind made up, I laid my phone on my dresser, and then snuggled down into my small, twin-size bed, and gradually fell asleep to The Weather Channel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PT - physical training 
> 
> Anything that doesn't make sense, just let me know!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still going along...kinda. I've attached some images at the bottom that have helped kinda shape what I think Adam might have looked like at the time. As someone who's also taken that kind of military photo, just know that you can never look hot LMAO
> 
> Bless his ears, tho! I love it!

I didn’t hear from Adam for almost a week.

By that time, so much had changed. I had received my final orders allowing me to head back home, and actually had a flight set for 3 days from today. **_3 damn days._  **I could be honest with myself and admit thatI was a little bummed, wondering if I’d ever see Adam again, but I couldn’t deny that I was so happy to get back home! Out of both my deployments thus far, this was the worst, and I would be so glad when it was over. The only good thing about it had been meeting Adam, but that was still so new. And now it would be nothing, since I was leaving.

Story of my life - wrong time, wrong place, all that shit. 

I shoved another roll of socks in my duffle, intent on fitting every single thing in my bag that was to be shipped. The more I sent that way, the less I had to carry on the plane. I kept packing, taking breaks every now and then to run stuff down the hall to other soldiers and Airmen that I thought might like it; the rest, I either trashed or found space in my too-full duffle bag and footlocker. I had been packing all day, thinking about taking a break for chow, when I heard the knock at the door.  It was just after 1700. Thinking it was someone else on the flight with me, or news of the flight, or someone from my unit, I opened it without hesitation.

 **“Adam!”** I breathed out as the door opened and I saw him before me. My grin immediately fell, as I took in his appearance. “Wait. What the hell happened?”

Adam stared back at me, all dark and big and brooding as usual; he was a mess. His face was cut up in multiple places, his jaw swollen on the right side, his eye black underneath his lashes. His lower lip was busted, and even though he tried to smile at me, I could see that it pained him to do so, the crack stretching as his lip did.

“Uh...yeah, about that…can I come in?” He lifted his left arm just a fraction, and I could see the bandage wrapped around his hand. _Was it broken??_

“Oh my god, yes!” I ushered him in and carefully closed the door behind him. “Are you okay?” I asked, reaching out to touch his sleeve before I thought better of it. I didn’t want to hurt him any further.

“I’m alive, yes,” Adam winked at me as he sat down in the chair near my small table. He surveyed my room. “I see you guys are definitely living better than we are. Couches and shit!”

“Are you okay? Are you gonna tell me what happened?” I asked again, annoyed at his attempt at changing the subject. Adam sighed, and pulled his headgear off and laid in on the table. I could see he had a nasty bump on the back of his head as well.

“Patrol. Took on some indirect fire. Same shit, different day.” Adam shrugged his broad shoulders as if it were just another walk in the park. Stunned, I sank down in the chair opposite him. I wanted to ask, but I also knew the feeling of wanting to talk...And not. It was sometimes better to just get on with your day, to pretend that the shit you’d seen had...well…to pretend that you’d not really seen that.  To pretend like it had never happened, it was easier to make sense of it that way. 

“That’s why I haven’t heard from you,” I surmised. One side of Adam’s mouth lifted in a smile, and I knew I was right. He hadn't just been ignoring me. 

“I was tied up.”

“I know, I’m just saying—”

“You missed me?” Adam interrupted me, smile still in place, his words hopeful, teasing. I could hear it in his voice, the playfulness as he questioned my motives.

“Of course not!” I disagreed, even as the blush rose over my cheeks. I did miss him. _A lot._ More than I cared to admit to anyone, least of all myself.

Chuckling at my denial, Adam looked around again, this time really taking in what was happening in my room. Seeing my duffle bag and footlockers, he cast a side-ways glance at me, his dark eyes curious, brows drawn together.

“Going somewhere?”

“Redeployment.” I looked down at my hands as they lay folded, one over the other, on the table. Adam reached over and placed a large hand over mine, drawing my eyes back up to his.

“When?”

“Sunday,” I whispered, suddenly feeling very sad. I looked back down at our hands, staring at a freckle near his thumb.

“Damn.” As if already distancing himself, he drew his hand back to his side, and we just sat there in the silence for a few moments. 

“Where is home?” Adam finally asked.

“I’m stationed in Georgia.”

“Fuck!” Adam abruptly stood, his chair dangerously close to tipping over with his actions. Not knowing what to do, I also stood, my fingers twisting around each other as I tried to find words. What was there to say, really? Shitty timing at its’ best…

“I’m at Pendleton,” Adam grumbled as he paced. He stopped before my footlocker, his boot lightly kicking against random items strewn about the floor. I sighed, knowing what his answer meant. He was in California. I was in Georgia. We would very likely never see each other again. I walked over to my bed, and sat back down, wholly and utterly dejected. I knew I was ridiculous, and Adam was being ridiculous, as it was way too soon to be feeling any kind of way, but I was feeling some kind of way. Deployments and being in life-and-death situations had a way of making things so much more intense.

“Hayley, I’m sorry, but I just gotta know...”

Confused, I looked up, and before I knew it, Adam was before me. He sat down on the bed beside me, leaned over, and pressed his lips against mine. I gasped as his lips closed over mine, but I didn’t pull away. In fact, I leaned into him, my hand gripping his strong forearm as I tried to get closer. Adam grunted against my lips, and I pulled back, realizing that I’d accidentally grabbed the hand that was bandaged up.

“Sorry,” I apologized quickly.

“Don’t be,” Adam replied, shaking his head. He very sweetly reached up and cupped my jaw, tilting my face up in such as way as to position my lips right where he wanted, and then he kissed me again. This time it was sweeter, softer, and more gentler, his lips incredibly soft and warm against mine. He released me, leaning back to stare down at me with those dark eyes of his. That shy smile was back on his face, and I’d swear I could see a faint blush spreading on his pale cheeks.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since I first met you,” he admitted, biting his lower lip as he smiled.  "I had to know."

“I’m glad you did,” I smiled back at him, my own blush rising in my cheeks.

“And fuck! I don’t want you to leave. It’s gonna suck so fucking bad,” Adam whined as he dropped his hand from my cheek. I immediately felt like I wanted it back, like I needed his warmth where it touched my skin, and I couldn’t resist reaching over and grabbing his good hand. I pulled it back into my lap, lacing his fingers with mine as I clutched it against me.

“I can’t say that I don’t wanna leave, but I am gonna miss you.” I leaned down and nuzzled the back of his hand with my nose, looking for any way — any reason — to touch him. “When do you think you’ll be gone from here?”

“Not sure. A month, maybe more, maybe less. And it doesn’t really matter, ‘cause I’m going to the other side of the country,” Adam stated flatly. “I won’t see you again.”

“I could save my leave and come meet you when you get back.”

Adam snorted in disbelief. “Yeah right.”

"You don't want me to?" I couldn't hide the rejection I was feeling. 

"I do want you to. But you won't, I know it," Adam countered with a disgruntled shake of his head. 

“I would, I promise.” I kissed the back of his hand again for emphasis. “I really like you, Adam.”

“Why?” Adam asked, his dark eyes searching for any sign of untruth in my words.

“Why not?” I shot back, one brow arched in challenge. 

“Cause you’re you… _Like you’re hot_ …And I’m…well, I’m me,” Adam gestured at himself with his free hand. “I’m this huge… _thing_ ….of mismatched body parts. I mean, look at my fucking ears!” Adam grabbed one earlobe for emphasis, and I did all I could not to burst out laughing at his petulance. 

“I like all your body parts. Even your ears.”

“You’re just saying that,” Adam scoffed, shaking his head in denial.

“Promise I’m not,” I shot back, taking his hand in order to kiss it again. I then reached up, placed my hand behind his head, and pulled him down for another kiss, this one just as sweet and full of longing as the first one. I wanted him to feel what I was feeling, to believe what I was telling him.  Adam pulled back to stare down at me again, the skepticism still at the forefront of his emotions. 

“You’re not lying, right?”

“Cross my heart,” I replied, squeezing his hand for emphasis.

Adam kissed me again. 

* * *

 

 

 

                                          


	5. Chapter 5

_I was laying in my small bed, watching as the clock ticked down. I had about 2 hours before I had to be at the demobilization site, and I was literally feeling sick to my stomach as I recounted the last few hours prior…_

A few hours ago, Adam had finally come back, and we’d kissed — _a lot_ —and it had progressed a little bit further, until we’d been interrupted.

Again.

We had a string of bad timing, it seemed.

“Fuck!” Adam gronaed as he pressed his forehead to mine.

“I gotta get the door,” I was just as whiny as he. I untangled myself from him, and stood, smoothing my clothes and hair as best as possible as I made my way to the door. I opened it, and my heart fell. I knew there could only be two things that would bring my squad leader to my door.

“SSG Waters? Something wrong?” I nervously asked.

“Good news, for once. Change of plans. Sand storm coming in a few days from now. We’re set to leave at 0300, so you gotta make sure all your stuff is at the demob site prior to that. Inspection and all that shit.” My squad leader peered around me, finally seeing Adam in my room. His eyes met mine again. “So, make sure you’re…uhhh…done with…everything.” He gave one more meaningful look over my shoulder at Adam before handing me some papers and leaving. I closed the door, my heart heavy as I faced Adam.

“Leaving earlier, huh?” Adam surmised as he studied the emotions as they flitted across my face. I nodded in confirmation. Adam motioned me over, and I quickly moved into the protective circle of his arms as he enveloped me against his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head, and it was the weirdest feeling as if we were meant to fit so perfectly together.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled against his chest. Adam chuckled, a low rumble deep against my cheek.

“For what? For going home? Don’t be.” He hugged me tightly. “It’s gonna fuckin’ suck, but so does everything over here.”

“But…” I trailed off as I leaned up to look at him.

“But what?” —Adam grinned down at me—“You sad you didn’t get a piece of this ass before you leave?” I could see the smile didn’t reach his eyes, though, and it made me incredibly sad.

“Yeah, that’s it,” I played along, not wanting to succumb to my emotional self.

“It would’ve have been bad, given that I got a mild concussion, and I’m busted up, but we can still try, if you want?” Adam waggled his eyebrows at me playfully. I punched him in the gut and moved out of his arms. I knew that now wasn’t the time, much as I needed  - _and wanted_ \- to get laid.

“It’s such bullshit, you know?” I griped as I started shoving things into my backpack. I was packed, everything but the things I’d kept in the room, so I didn’t have much left to do.  
  
“It’s the military, babe,” Adam replied as he sank back down on my bed and laid back.

“I need a damn cigarette,” I continued griping, if only to myself. Adam’s head popped up.

“You smoke?”

“Why?” I glared at him, daring him to say something. Anything.

“Just curious,” he shrugged and lay back down on the bed.

“You don’t like girls who smoke?” I queried, continuing to shove things in various pockets and hidden crevices of my backpack.

“Never said that,” his reply was quiet, and aggravated the shit out of me.

“But you asked if I smoked, after I said I needed a cigarette, which makes any logical person think you’d have a problem with me smoking? Cause otherwise, you wouldn't have sat up and asked if I smoked after I stated that I needed a cigarette? Or am I wrong?” My heart was pounding in my chest, my cheeks flushed as my anger rose higher and higher. I was the queen of over-analyzing everything. I kinda just wished Adam would leave. Leave, and let me wallow in my pit of misery, self-doubt, and insecurity. It would be so much easier if I was alone. 

“I feel like you’re trying to pick a fuckin’ fight right now,” Adam spoke to the ceiling. One booted foot tapped at the floor, almost lazily, and I honestly felt like he was trying to antagonize me with his apathetic attitude.

“Maybe you should just go then, since I’m trying to pick a fight.” I kicked the empty trash can out of the way, and marched towards my small bathroom. I went inside, slamming the door behind me, and locked it. Right on cue, a few moments later, I heard a knock.

“Please open the door,” Adam’s voice was muffled through the wood.

“Go away!” I barked at him. I grabbed my toothbrush, along with a few other toiletries and threw them in the small bag i’d carried in with me. The rest of the stuff I would just throw away, since I couldn’t take it on the flight. Such a waste, I thought to myself as I tossed the shampoo and body wash into the trash bin.

Another knock dragged me back into the present…

“Come on, Hayley,” Adam pleaded through the door. “Just open the damn door.”

Ignoring him, I looked around, looking for something else to do, and mentally kicked myself because my bathroom was so damn small, and there was absolutely nothing left to do. I couldn’t stay in here forever, much to my childish dismay. With a grunt, I pulled the door open, and Adam nearly fell in on me as I collided with his hard chest. He quickly wrapped his arms around me again, refusing to let me go, even as I struggled against him.

“Let me go!” I hissed at him, but he only held me tighter.

“Just stop, okay?” His lips were close to my forehead, his words just a whisper. Resigned, I dropped my head to his chest as the bag fell from my fingers and hit the floor.

“It’s like you don’t even care,” I sniffled pathetically. Why was I crying? Why was it so serious, so fast?

“You know everything is crazy down here, right?” Adam rubbed the area between my shoulders. “Everything seems like a bigger deal, and everyone gets emotional really quick, and it’s just fucking insane.”

“You think I’m insane, don’t you?” I snorted.

“A little,” Adam agreed.

“I hate you!” I sniffed again, doing my best to memorize that smell that was uniquely Adam. I gripped him a little tighter, pressed my nose against him a little harder, and he must have felt the emotion shift through my body, as he gently walked me back to the bed and sat us down, only this time I was in his lap.

“You don’t hate me, and you don’t wanna start a fight,” Adam’s dark eyes met mine. “I feel it, too. This thing between us. It’s fast, and it’s crazy, and we haven’t even had sex, but it’s there. I can feel it just as much as you can, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sad that you were leaving.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, you freak!” Adam grinned down at me. "Everybody's worried about dying, and not making it home, but you're leaving, babe. You're going home, and in a few weeks, I'm going home, and then we can get a hotel room, and fuck like normal people." 

"God, you are such a romantic!" I rolled my eyes at him as I buried my face back against his chest.  

"You have no idea. I'm like fucking Shakespeare, or some shit." 

"Was Shakespeare romantic?" I giggled at Adam, causing him to laugh.  He fell back, and I fell with him, landing softly as I sprawled over him. I propped my chin on his chest and stared at him. "You are so cute, do you know that?" 

Adam's dark brows drew together, and I could see the blush spread over his pale skin.  "Yeah, I don't think that describes me, but okay." He reached down, cupping my ass as he pulled me against him. I bit at my lower lip, the war between my body and the ever-decreasing time playing out inside me.  Adam's eyes darkened, and somehow I knew that he was indeed feeling everything I was feeling. 

"Promise you'll come see me when I get back?" He ran his hands up my ass and rested them at my lower back, linking his long fingers together as he held me close.  I never wanted to leave this spot. 

"I promise." I hoped he knew how serious I was, and that I had every intention of driving my ass to California when he got back.  

"I hope so," Adam gave me a half-smile in response, and I gave him one back. He took a deep breath, lifting me off him, and lifted his arm to stare at his watch.  "It's getting close. I should probably go so you can get stuff done." 

Feeling my chin tremble, I dropped my head again and burrowed into him. I never wanted to let him go. It seriously felt like I was never going to see him again. Adam hugged me tight once again, but I could tell he was trying to get up, and I reluctantly rolled off him so that he could stand.  He used his good hand and pulled me up, back into his arms.  

"You have my number. You have my email. We can talk, okay? And when I get back, we'll meet somewhere. I come to you, or you come to me, okay?" Adam cupped my cheeks with his large hands, forcing me to look at him.  "Hayley? Okay?" 

"Okay," I agreed, not trusting my voice to not break. 

"Okay," Adam repeated. He leaned down, kissed me once more.  

* * *

3 hours later, I was standing in line, getting ready to enter the area that had been marked off for those that were departing the country. I had my backpack on my back, and my laptop case in my hand. I couldn't lie and say I was thrilled to be leaving like everyone else. I was happy, but I was also incredibly sad.  It was a weird conundrum - being relieved to go on one hand, and being so desperate to stay on the other.  

As I took a step onto the tarmac, I could barely hold back the knot in my throat, could just barely stop my eyes from overflowing. Whatever had happened between Adam and I, had happened in a matter of days, and it had happened fast.  I felt cheated, I felt as if I never got to explore what might have been. What could have been.

I took another step, this time onto the lowest step of the plane and began my ascent.  In two days or so, I'd be back in America. Back home. Back where everything made sense, right?  

On the last step, I stopped, and turned, glancing once more over the airfield and back towards the base that I had just left. It was dark, and I could see nothing, but I knew that somewhere on that base was Adam. I wondered what he was doing, and if he'd already forgotten about me? I wondered how his concussion was, and if he was asleep. I wondered what he would do tomorrow, and I wondered when I would talk to him again. I wondered if he would ever contact me. 

"Let's go, dude!", someone yelled from below, urging me forward.  I righted myself, and stepped inside the plane, my senses immediately assaulted by the cold, dry air you found in planes. I made my way to my seat, and was relieved to find that I was seated alone for this flight at least. Once I was seated and buckled, I leaned my head against the window and stared out, my mind still wondering.  

The engines kicked on, the flight crew gave their speeches.  We taxied down the runway, and the plane took off. 

Everyone clapped as soldiers and airman and Marines would when the deployment was finally behind us.  

But not me.  

I sat in silence, sat there trying to keep myself from breaking down. 

Everyone was so excited to be getting back to their old lives, back to their family and friends, and I felt like I had left a piece of myself here in this place. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI: this is tentatively set around 2003-2004(ish), so cellphones were there, but it was weird, since you had to have a calling card to call someone downrange and a DSN number. You could reload minutes if you bought them from a Third Country National (TCN), and then you used your assigned DSN number (Defense Switched Network), which was like a relay number back to the states. Then you would have the person that answered in the states dial your number, or you could use a calling card. It was insane. You had internet, but it was dial up and it sucked big time. Sending snail mail took forever, so honestly the super expensive phone calls, or emails were the way to go. 
> 
> However, if you had a cellphone downrange - as most did - you could just text people there, just like we can do now. I hope all this makes sense lol

I finally landed in the United States 4 days later. We had a few unforeseen weather issues, and then a flight delay that kept us grounded for yet another day in Spain before we finally made it back safe and sound. Even then, we still had a few hours to go, what with downloading our gear, holding the welcome home formation, and getting to our vehicles. The time seemed to drag on...I was dying to open my laptop, and my cell phone was burning a hole in my pocket.

When we were finally released,the first thing I did was hurry up and find somewhere to get some internet connection and check my emails and phone, which meant I flew threw well-intentioned hugs, _**“Welcome Back”**_ signs and gifts on my way to my barracks room. I couldn’t get there fast enough, and I fumbled repeatedly trying to plug my laptop up to the internet. I was worried that any messages Adam had sent didn’t go through to my phone, but I was wrong. As I waited — _for what felt like eternity_ — to log in to my email, I felt my phone begin buzzing in my cargo pocket. I pulled it out, breathless as I began seeing the missed calls.

I had two from my family —which I ignored, for the time being — and one from Adam.

_One._

I can’t lie and say I didn't feel a little disappointed at the single digit, but at the same time, I felt super childish and ridiculous for feeling that way. What did I expect from him? A million messages and missed calls? _ **Yes!**_ , my stupid brain screamed at me, even though I knew that was soooo completely ridiculous. _At least I had one_ , I reasoned with myself. It was better than none, right? 

With a pounding heart, I opened the message and listened.  

 

 

 

> **_Hey, Hayley. It’s me. Adam._** (Adam laughs softly, nervously maybe?) ** _I guess you know that, or maybe you don’t since it’s this weird fucking number from over here. Anyways, I hope you got home alright, and I hope you can email me. You can call me on this cell phone, probably expensive, but you can. If you want to, that is. Well, shit. I’m sorry we couldn’t do anything else, I was all fucked up. And I miss you. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I do. I hope I get to leave this shithole soon, and then maybe we can actually meet and get to know each other better. I’m just gonna fuckin’ say it, I miss you a lot. I regret that I didn’t kiss you more, but I won’t make that mistake next time._**
> 
> **_So, call me back. Or email me. Or something. Okay, bye._ **
> 
> **_Also, I might have something to tell you, so call me back! Or email me!_ **
> 
> **_Okay for real this time, bye!_ **

I sat back in my chair, my jaw first dropping open in shock, but then slowly lifting as I began to smile.

He missed me.

He felt the same way I did! I couldn’t contain the goofy grin that took over, and without thinking about time or consequence, I dialed his number using a prepaid phone card that someone had given me. It rang, and rang, and rang some more, until finally I hung up. My smile had faded as I realized I wasn’t going to reach him just yet. I looked down at my watch, seeing that it was only after 2200 here, which meant that it was probably about 0400 where Adam was. _Why wasn’t he answering his phone?_ I scrunched up my lips in annoyance, the logical side of my brain telling me that maybe he was getting ready for PT, or he was sleeping heavily, or maybe he’d just—

The cell phone rang in my hand, scaring the shit out of me, and I nearly dropped it as I hurried to answer it.

“Hello?!” I breathed into the the receiver, heart pounding a mile a minute against my ribs as I prayed it was who I wanted it to be.

“Hayley? It’s me, Adam.”

I let out the choking breath I’d been holding, and I swear, I felt so much relief when I heard his deep, sleepy voice come over the line. And yet, even though I was relieved to hear him, I couldn't control the nervousness that I felt coursing through my body at talking with him again; it was a such a weird conflicting combination of emotions that I was experiencing...

“Adam?” I couldn’t control the tremor in my voice, and I inwardly cursed myself for being so weak. I knew it was a combination of the Dramamine and lack of sleep and time zone changes and realizing you weren’t gonna die any longer, but I was so overwhelmed right now that I just wanted to start crying, and I felt like I couldn’t get my mouth to make any kind of reasonable words come out, so I just remained silent.

“Hayley? You alright?” Adam asked, seeming more alert as his voice filled with a concern that even I could distinguish over the phone.

“I’m fine!” I squeaked out, chewing on my fingernail in an effort calm down.

“You’re not fine,” Adam sighed into the phone. “Are you chewing on your nails?”

“No.”

“Liar,” Adam chuckled, and I felt myself smile a little more. “How was your flight? Gotta say, I’m really fucking jealous that you’re there and I’m still here in this dump.”

“I miss you,” I blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer. The line went silent, and I prayed that I hadn’t scared him off with my crazy, clingy girlfriend act that he seemed to trigger within me. 

“Did you get my voicemail?” Adam asked quietly, his voice sounding a bit more muffled.

“Yes.”

“Then you know how I feel.” His voice had dropped even lower. “Just so you know, I’m in my bunk, and uh...everyone’s here, so...you know, I gotta keep it quiet.”

I blinked back more tears of relief: he wasn’t avoiding me, he was trying to be quiet and say what he needed without everyone else hearing it. Poor guy.

“I got it,” I said, letting Adam know that I knew what he meant. “Do you have PT soon?”

“Yep. Same time every day.” I could hear him yawn over the line.

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad,” Adam stated softly. “I’ll email you later, okay?”

“Okay,” I mumbled into the receiver. “Bye Adam.” It was the last thing I wanted to say, but I knew he had to go.

“Talk to you later, okay? Check your email when you get a chance.”

“Okay, I will,” I replied before reluctantly hanging up. After I was sure he was gone, I set the phone back down on my small nightstand and looked around, completely dejected and not a damn thing to do.

Everyone else was either off with their families and loved ones, or out partying, celebrating being back, and here I was, holed up in the barracks, lonely and pathetic, pining for a Marine I barely knew. My family didn’t even know I was back yet, even though I knew they would find out eventually. Mom always had a way of finding everything out, and it was only a matter of time before they would be blowing up my phone, or worse yet, calling my chain of command, demanding a status on their daughter. I huffed with annoyance at the thought of that. The last thing I wanted or needed was her misguided attempt at motherly love, especially not at this late hour in our lives. I turned back to my laptop, and decided I would send her an email, at least try to buy myself some time, when I remembered that Adam had said to check my email. I found myself grinning again as I quickly logged into my account.

Sure enough, there was one email from Adam.

  

 

 

> **_Hayley,_ **
> 
> **_Hopefully you’re back in your nice comfortable bed by now. And I hope you’re thinking about me… ;-) I’m still here in this dump, but I got some good news, and it’s confirmed. I didn’t want to get your hopes up earlier and tell you before you left, but I wanted to let you know that we might be home soon. I can’t give you any specifics, but if you go buy some milk pretty soon, we might be back before it expires. Give or take…_ **
> 
> **_So, once it’s wheels up, I’ll call you and let you know. Then we can figure out where we can meet. If you still want to meet me? I hope you don’t think I’m weird for saying this, but I really like you. I want to get to know you, and hopefully you want to get to know me, and then we can see what happens. I know I sound like a freak, but I can’t help it. The best time I have had in a long time was hanging out with you at that damn movie. I felt more relaxed than I have in a long time, and I kinda want to see where it goes. I know we’re literally on different sides of the country, but I’ll have some leave, and maybe you can save yours, and maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle? Just let me know._ **
> 
> **_Okay, I have to go now. I got to get some equipment taken care of, but I’ll be back later. I hope you write back. Or call me._ **
> 
> **_Adam_ **
> 
> **_P.S. what’s your favorite color?_**
> 
>  
> 
> * * *

****


	7. Chapter 7

**_My favorite color is purple._ **

I sat there staring at that simple sentence for more than an hour. I deleted it, retyped it, and then deleted it again. And then retyped it. How could so much meaning be held by such a small thing as those five little words? _Why was I putting so much meaning into those five little words??_

I typed it one more time.

**_My favorite color is purple._ **

I sat back in my chair, my knees drawn up to my chest as I chewed my fingernail. My brain was so busy, so many ideas bouncing around. So many things to do, and I had no idea where to start. It was this weird frantic kind of feeling, this need to be active — _to be doing something!!_ — when logically I knew I needed to not be doing anything. I needed to be relaxing, to be readjusting. To be reintegrating. 

It was almost 2:59AM local time, but my internal clock was still on Iraq time, which meant it was about 11:00AM. I knew this. We were briefed repeatedly on what to expect when we got home, how we wouldn’t sleep properly until our bodies had adjusted. How we might eat differently - maybe too much, or maybe not enough. How we might be experiencing different emotions, such as relief and anger and happiness at being home. _Everyone's different_ , they said. 

There wasn’t much talk about the loneliness, though. Not a whole lot of discussion on what it’s like to be surrounded by people for so many months, only to one day be back and alone in your barracks room. I chewed my nail again, so much so that I tasted blood. That was my cue to stop; even though I wanted to keep chewing, I knew I had to stop. I stared at the lone sentence on my screen, sitting there, just as alone as me. Just hanging out, waiting for someone to provide some company.

I wanted to write more, I did. To talk to Adam more. To tell him that I was so happy to be out of that shithole, and tell him how I couldn’t stop smiling once I’d gotten back in my room with my clothes and food and all the comforts of home. To talk about how excited I was to see that my room had been cleaned, and I had body wash that I could literally marinate in, and not worry about the shower going cold, and not have to wear flip-flops back to my bed. To have my bathroom not 10 feet away, and that I didn't have to wear all my gear to the bathroom in the middle of the night, or use a damn flashlight to see my way there. 

I bit down hard on my lip, willing myself to suck it up, yet admitting that what I wanted to tell him was how lonely I was. I was so damn lonely. Everyone had someone it seemed; I had no one.  No one was hear to welcome me except those people that had to be present.  I wanted to tell him that I had eaten dinner by myself, and that even the people in the barracks were keeping to themselves.  How did our little dysfunctional downrange family fracture so quickly? 

I wanted to to tell him I was fine, but I needed to tell him I was anything but.

The truth was, I didn’t know what to say, so I started chewing on the opposite thumb, my teeth scraping as I whittled away at the offending nail. 

There wasn't much more that I thought I should include in my email response — _to be honest, I didn’t know what to say._ I didn’t know what was appropriate, and what was okay at this point in our relationship. I snorted. _Relationship._ _What the hell, even?_ I had known Adam for like 5 minutes, and I wasn’t entirely sure I’d call what we had a relationship, but the tiny little romantic dreamer still buried somewhere deep inside wanted it to be a relationship. I couldn’t deny that I hadn’t lain awake in bed, dreaming of Adam and the things we would do together. Dreaming of dark hair and even darker eyes, of tall lankiness and raw, masculine strength that held me so tightly, so protectively. 

He missed me. He’d said so.

He missed me, and he wanted to be with me. He said he’d had the best time in a long time, with me.

_With me._

I started typing again, only to erase it one more time.

Only to start again…

 

_Adam,_

_~~My favorite color is purple. Purple because it’s not really girly, and not really boyish, and really a mixture of so many things I have dealt with, both past and present. Red is so hard and so angry, and I have been angry for so long, but sometimes red is good, especially when it’s passionate. Blue is sad and depressing, but sometimes happy, especially when the sun is shining off the water, and the sky is clear and blue, with just a few clouds dusting the sky. Purple is the best of both, somewhere soft and in the middle. I used to like black. There was a time when everything was black for me. My life, my hopes, my dreams, my self-worth. It was all black. Then I met you, and you are this big, black thing, but you’re not really black. You’re light and dark and everything in between, and~~ _

 

I sat back, quickly deleting every secret I’d just bled out onto my screen. That was so ridiculous, and despite being alone, I flushed crimson with embarrassment. I was such a damn loser.

 

_Adam,_

_My favorite color is purple. What’s yours?_

_Take care, and hope to hear from you soon!_

_Hayley_

 

Emotions shoved back down and secrets tightly reined in, I hit the send button, feeling both satisfied and completely unfulfilled at my lame response to his much more lengthy email.

What I'd done was safe. Open-ended and safe.  "Open-ended and safe" seemed to be my comfort zone where most things were considered, seemed to be where I hung out. Don't put your neck out and it won't get stepped on, right? 

With a grunt at my lameness, I shut the laptop down, and shuffled over to my bed, grabbing chips with one hand, dragging my blanket, cell phone, and remote in the other. Once I was settled in bed, and had the television set to The Weather Channel, I began the long process of getting my heart to stop pounding in my chest with anxiety.  I rolled over, staring at the weather, watching as the rain marched slowly forward with each blink of the radar on screen.  

Rain was headed towards Montgomery, and then on to Auburn.  I watched as it neared my location, neared Benning, and somewhere in-between _"Local on The Eights"_ and a commercial for window cleaner, I finally drifted off to sleep...


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have taken a huge leap forward. I hope it makes sense. The italic is the past, and will hopefully explain the demise of our cute, little innocent couple. 
> 
> Don't hate me too much.... I do love a happy ending hehehe

**8 years later….**

 

 

**Adam Driver - Arts In The Armed Forces**

 

I stared at the flyer, my brows drawn together as I read and reread his name, his face staring back at me. My heart thumped loudly as I dropped back down on the chair I’d just stood up from, my stomach churning, twisting itself up in so many different kinds of knots, my body humming with a nervous energy that had my hands shaking.  So many questions were rolling through my head.  The flyer had been in a stack of distro on my desk, one that I probably should have read a few days ago.

According to this, Adam was already here, and performing tomorrow in this damn building.

Of all people, why was **_he_** here? I knew about AITAF. Hell, I knew about everything Adam did and was involved in, and I knew that with his crazy schedule, he wasn’t as available as he seemed to be before, and would instead send others in his stead. So, yes, it was a shock to think that right now, he was somewhere on this very small base. The same base I was on. Jesus. My heart thumped anew.

Would he remember me? Would I even see him? Was he still with his girlfriend? God….What if he was married and he’d kept it a secret? He was super secretive, from everything I’d read. What if he had kids and a wife and he was super happy, and what if I ran into him, and he hated me even more—

I crumpled the flyer up in my hand as my anger started rising, quickly engulfing me and overshadowing my sadness and anxiety. If anyone should be mad, _it was me_ , goddamnit! Adam had dumped me. It was Adam that had chosen to end things. He was the one that quit - Not me! He’d given up on us, had given me essentially an ultimatum, and one I couldn’t accept. Then, he’d gone off on his own, leaving me behind. Yeah, I was the one who should be furious, and God help me, I was still mad as hell at him.  So many things happened because of what happened - _and_ _what didn't happen_ \-  with Adam. So many different paths I had wound up on, and I couldn’t help but rationalize that so much would have been different had things gone another way between us. I was no longer that stupid naive girl that was in love with Adam. 

Now, I just felt a seething, burning rage, festering deep in my stomach as I thought about our final time together so long ago...

* * *

 _After the deployment,_ _I had finally made it out to see Adam. He'd arrived home a little over two months after I had, but it did not go like we’d planned. None of it had.  I’d had to rearrange my schedule due to everyone taking leave at the same time, and Adam not getting back when he said he would.  Then, the day before I arrived in California, Adam had been injured in a biking accident. He’d broken his sternum and cracked some ribs, and was in the hospital the first day I saw him. Suffice to say, it wasn’t the first meeting either of us was hoping for. The universe continued to be one massive, cock-blocking son-of-a-bitch it seemed…_

_ “We’re together, and you're fucked up again,” I grinned, trying to lighten the mood. Adam scowled back at me, and I felt a bit of unease creep up my spine.  Adam had been a huge asshole ever since I’d arrived, and it only seemed to be getting worse.  _

_ “This is serious, Hayley.” _

_ “What do you mean?” I asked, sitting down in the chair next to his bed.   _

_ “They’re talking about chaptering me out. Apparently, I’m not “fit for duty any longer,” Adam hissed the last sentence.  He was angry for sure, but I could see the hurt in the way his chin screwed up, his lips taut as he fought the emotions warring within him.   _

_ “What? Why? It’s just a broken bone. People break their bones all the time—” _

_ "This is not the first time I’ve broken my sternum.”  _

_ I stared at him quizzically, not quite understanding.  _

_ “I already cracked it once, and it just barely was good to go for this last deployment. They’re not gonna let me slide again.” Adam dropped his head back on his pillow, his hand covering his eyes.  “I’m fucking done, Hayley. My career is over.” _

* * *

I wiped at my eyes, the memory still heart-breaking, even so many years later. Along with the sadness and grief, I could still feel the frustration, could feel the stinging rejection just as palpable today as it had been back then. I sighed, knowing it was no use to dwell on it.  From my spot on the floor of my office, I stared up, seeing the clock reading almost 2100.  Sniffling, I stood and made my way over to my bag and started gathering my things. My notes could wait til tomorrow. Even if I wanted to, and even if I had time, my head — _and heart_ — just weren’t into documenting things tonight. Besides, I needed to get my shit, get to the PX, and stock up so that I could stay barricaded in my trailer until it was over. I was sure he wasn’t staying more than a few days at the most, and I could call out sick for at least two without anyone becoming suspicious.  I could avoid him. 

I hastily bean shoving stuff in my bag, and was just going to grab my patrol cap when my door floor open. 

The bag and everything I’d been holding fell to the ground with a loud crash, as the man before me pulled off his ball cap, and pulled down the gator neck that was covering his jaw.  He just as quickly closed — _and locked_ — the door behind him. I was fairly certain my jaw dropped at the same time as everything else. 

“Hi,” he smirked up at me as he ran a hand through his unruly hair, doing anything but taming it. 

“Adam,” I breathed out, finally finding enough air to form a coherent word at least. 

“Sorry about just barging in” —he jerked a thumb at the door he was still standing in front of — “but I had to hurry, or else I would've got caught, and, yeah, it would've just sucked.” He grinned, his face wrinkling up in a huge smile. I stared at him, my brows drawn in confusion, because like for two long, agonizing seconds, I saw the Adam I used to know in the man before me.

“So…” Adam’s deep baritone dragged me out of my reminiscing.  The anger came rushing back, hot and hard as I felt my cheeks bloom with heat. 

“So, what?” I bit out, my tone clipped. I reached down and grabbed my bag again, holding on to it as if it were my source of strength. Inside, though, I was dying. Adam was so different. So much more mature and grown, and God help me, but he was so much more handsome than I’d ever imagined he could be. His shoulders had gotten even broader — _how was that even possible??_ —the muscles of his chest and arms clearly outlined by his thermal top.  His hair was much longer, the black waves hiding those ears that he had clearly grown into. He had a beard, and a mustache; his face showing the years that had passed, and time had only been too kind to him it seemed. He was devastatingly handsome.

It was no wonder he’d become a sex symbol. But I hated him, I did.

I tried to remind myself that I hated him. No matter what, I hated this bastard in front of me.

“Captain, huh?  Damn! You look really, really good,” Adam continued, his hands shoved in his pockets as usual. I could only glance at him, then look away. It was almost as if I couldn’t meet his gaze dead-on. Not sure why, but it felt like I was trying to look at the sun.  It also felt like he was inspecting me, his eyes roving all over me. And there was a huge part of me that was growing more and more furious by the second, and I fought the urge to punch him straight in the balls and wipe that idiotic grin off his face.

 _How could he just stand there and smile, after all the shit he’d put me through?_ Arrogant bastard.

“Hayley?”

“I have to go,” I blurted out, not knowing what else to say, but more afraid of what I'd say if I remained. I grabbed my patrol cap, pushed my way around him, and made my way out into the small crowd. I desperately needed to disappear, and so I did my best to let the group swallow me whole. I cared not that Adam was in my office, alone.

When I finally arrived at my trailer, I let myself in and then leaned up against the door as I tried to catch my breath. My heart was still pounding, my hands still shaky as I tried to make sense of seeing him. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more of their history....

_“I’m getting chaptered out, Hayley.”_

_“Okay…” I trailed off, not knowing what he wanted me to say.  I nervously chewed on my nail, trying to quell the unease I felt bubbling up. Something was very, very wrong. It had been 2 weeks since I’d been in California, and Adam and I were worse than ever._

_“Okay? That’s it? Just okay?” Adam roared into the phone. “I mean, do you have any fucking idea what’s gonna happen to my life? To me?”_

_“Why are you yelling at me, Adam?” I yelled back at him._

_“Because you don’t fucking get it! I’m done. My career? It’s fucking over. And it’s like you don’t understand or care.”_

_I rolled my eyes at that. And it hurt to hear the accusation in his tone. “Okay, don’t put words in my mouth. Of course I care. And I fucking get it, okay? I just don’t know what you want me to say? What am I supposed to do? It’s like you expect me—”_

_"I’m going to Juilliard.”_

_“What? What is that?” I was taken aback at his declaration. Even though I had no idea what that meant, I could tell it didn’t include me._

_“Acting school,” Adam answered, just as quietly. Before I caught myself, I burst out laughing. My Adam? **An actor?**_

_'"You see?” He charged again. “I fucking knew you’d react that way!”_

_“Adam! Babe, calm down okay?” I did my best to wipe all remnants of humor out of my voice. “It’s just totally random, and you caught me off-guard.”_

_Adam grumbled over the phone, clearly not buying my apology._

_"So what does that mean for us?” I asked, the silence stretching as my heart pounded faster and faster.  Adam and I were farther apart than we’d ever been._

_"I don’t know what it means,” Adam mumbled into the phone._

_"Well, I can’t just get out of the Army and come follow you, can I?” I nervously laughed. The silence began stretching again, and my unease climbed when he didn’t answer. “Adam?”_

_"Would that be so bad?” Adam asked, almost timidly._

_I laughed again, this time a mixture of disbelief and confusion. He couldn’t be serious, right?_

_“Adam, you don’t even know if you’re gonna get in, or how things are gonna go. What if you don’t like it? I mean, have you really thought about being an actor?”_

_“Fuck! That is so like you, you know!” Adam snapped, causing me to roll my eyes again._

_It took everything in me not to slam the phone down and hang up on his stupid ass. I really, really hated him right now. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself. When Adam got all worked up like this — and keep in mind, I was already teetering on the edge of a classic meltdown!! — it did no good for us to both be crazy and fly off the handle the way we tended to. i forced myself to take some more deep breaths, willing my anxiety and anger to ease._

_“Like you said, you can’t just get out of the Army, right?”_

_“Right,” I repeated. He knew my tentative plans. He's known them for a good, long while. “So now what?”_

_“I guess that’s it.”  Adam’s tone was void of emotion, cold and final._

_“That's it? What do you mean, that’s it?” My voice was rising, the fear clearly tinging my words. “Adam!”_

_“Look, you said it yourself. You’re not getting out, I can’t stay in. I’m going to Juliard, and you don’t seem to support me, so I gotta do my thing, and you gotta do yours, I guess.”_

_I felt the tear roll down my cheek, the unwelcome truth of his words hitting me right in my heart and sucking my breath away. I swallowed, blinking a few times to clear my vision before finally finding my voice again._

_“I hate you, Adam. You stupid, selfish asshole. I fucking hate you.” I nearly choked on those words, but they conveyed everything I was feeling in that very moment towards Adam._

_“Good,” Adam quietly agreed._

_“Yeah, it’s good! You asshole!” Now I was a blubbering idiot, my actions clearly not congruent with the words coming from me. I sank down on the floor near my bed, my hands trembling as I clutched the phone._

_“Adam, please,” I begged, anything to change his mind. “We can work this out, okay? We’ll figure something out and it’ll be okay, right?”_

_"No, Hayley. We won’t. We’re gonna continue to be separated and I can’t do this any longer.  I just can’t anymore.” I could hear his voice crack, the sound drawing more tears from me, the lump in my throat growing bigger as he continued. “My mind isn’t right, I’m not right in the head, you know? It’s not fair to either of us, so we should just end it now and move on.”_

_"Adam! Please—”_

_“I have to go.”_

_I sat there, dumbfounded as I realized the phone line had gone dead. I called him back, only to get his voicemail. I called again. Another voicemail._

_“Son-of-a-bitch!” I screamed as I furiously called him again, only to have it go straight to voicemail.  I left him a scathing message, telling him just how much I hated him, how much of a coward he was, and madesure he understood that I would never in a million years forgive him. Furious at him — and clearly not using the logical part of my brain — I quickly went through my phone and deleted his number and anything that pertained to him._

_I sat back, a sick sense of satisfaction coursing through my body. Now I couldn’t even call him if I wanted to.  Hah. My stomach dropped at that realization, and I had a brief panicky moment where I started scrolling through my phone, looking for emails and such, and to my relief, I saw that his email address was still listed in my contacts. At least I could email him, even if I couldn’t call him._

_I sat back, the tears finally slowing, my breath finally evening out as I tried to process what just happened. I was so mad, but so scared and sad and depressed, and every other negative emotion one could think of._

_But one thing was certain -  I was never going to forgive him, and I was NOT going to be the one to break down and reach out again._

_The bastard would have to call me if he wanted to make things right._

* * *

I never heard from Adam again after the phone call. I went back to Georgia, where I reenlisted, and eventually decided to apply for the Army's physician assistant program. I was accepted, went to school the whole nine yards. Now I was a captain, and in charge of one of the unit sick calls down here. Adam had obviously gone on to be this big-shot celebrity, and while I tried to pretend I didn’t, I had kept up with him more than I cared to admit. 

And now Adam was here. Famous Adam. And I was still a nobody. 

I angrily stood up, and tossed my duffel bag over on the small loveseat. I ripped off my dog tags and tossed them on the small kitchen counter. I hated that he still had so much power over me. Everything I'd worked so hard for, all of it, now felt so insignificant next to him. Fucking asshole. How dare he waltz up into my office, the big celebrity that he was, and think I was going to entertain him? Arrogant asshole.

I hated the way he made me feel. The way he made me feel guilty, made me second-guess things. I fucking hated it.

And I hated him...

Regardless of what my heart said or how my body reacted to him earlier, in my mind I knew that I hated him. More now than ever. 

I walked through my small trailer, stripping off clothing and kicking off my boots before finally stepping into my small shower.  I turned the water on as hot as it would go, doing my best to replace one type of pain with another. Before I realized what I was doing, I had slid down to the floor, a crumpled mess of arms and legs, and began sobbing. 

 


End file.
